UFO Humor from Janet Boyd aka Bee Spit


H	U	M	O	R

Computer Jokes

Groaners

Lawyer Jokes

UFO Humor

61 year old Mr. Fred Cyote, of Arkoma, Oklahoma, is hitch-hiking throughout the United States ... hoping to get a ride in a UFO ! He will be carrying a large hand-held sign that reads "UFO Ride Wanted". Follow the journey.
*~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ [] - [] ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~*

AREA 51

By now, everyone has heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51." Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane . . . only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

I found this cartoon on a collection of cartoons site.
I hunted around and found the artist.
copyright © 1997, 1999 Kevin Brockschmidt

RANCHER REPORTS FLYING SAUCER CRASHES IN ARES VALLIS

     In what is being billed as perhaps the most convincing evidence yet that extramartianial life does indeed exist, we have today learned of a report by a rancher in Ares Vallis that he came upon the wreckage of a flying saucer that appears to have crashed yesterday on a lonely outpost of his ranch. Rancher Macks Brassel says that he and his wife were enjoying a romantic walk in the rocks when they saw what he describes as "this gigantic baggie" falling out of the sky. When he went to investigate, he found "a bunch of bubble wrap, pieces of cloth, sticks with strange markings on them, and this little alien that freaked out when we approached. He looked like he kept trying to get away, but he seemed to be stuck. We didn't want to upset him any further, so we left him there and went back to the ranch house to call the authorities."
      He described the alien as a small, flat, silvery creature that seemed to have little wheels for legs. Its head was a flat black panel. It was only a couple inches tall, but long and flat. It had very hard skin, kind of like rocks, but shiny. It appeared to be trapped in some of the bubble wrap and was beeping a lot, like it was hurt, Brassel says.
     After being alerted, the 509th Martian Army headquarters immediately issued a press release stating that the debris was simply a weather balloon that crashed, there was nothing for us to get upset about, and if any Martian thought this was evidence of visitation from another planet or something like that, well, that would be really, really silly. Nonetheless, this reporter noticed the base commander seeming to border on becoming hysterical when we tried to question him. Plus, we overheard him say on the phone to the President, "weather balloon, yeah, that'll work, yeah, that's the ticket." We saw highly unusual activity throughout the entire Army base, and heard reports that a special recovery team would soon be sent out to the ranch to recover the "weather balloon" (yeah, right) debris.
     "This was no weather balloon", Brassel insists, "I know what a weather balloon looks like and this was made of stuff I've never seen anyplace else on Mars." Brassel has been ordered to report to the government's Attitude Adjustment Center later this afternoon. He promised to give us further details when he is released, which is expected to be in a couple of weeks. We will keep you posted as further news breaks in this exciting story.

Focks Smolder Reporter

% % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % % %

Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization...

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

Picard:

Geordi:

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker [puzzled]

Data [turns to explain]

Picard:

Data:

Picard:

. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data:

Geordi:

Picard:

Data:

Riker:

Geordi: [excited]

Picard:

Data: [studying displays]

Picard:

. . . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker:

Geordi:

Picard:

Data:

Geordi:

Picard:

Data:

[over the speakers]

Data:

Picard:

Riker:

Data:

Riker and Picard, together [horrified]

Geordi:

Data:

Riker:

Data:

Riker:

Picard:

Mail me comments or things to include

[ Home | Poetry Index | Friendship Quilt | 3D Art | Fractal Art ]
[ Tek Parody ]

\(o.o)/ ... © ... 1999 - Present ... by Janet Boyd aka Bee Spit ...\(o.o)/