These poems were sent to me from a friend that shares
a soul, like mine, residing in the dark,
and vacationing in the light, Carmen Camela.
May we all have more vacations. Enjoy.

~ Janet Boyd aka Bee Spit ~


I Am Tired

No one can feel my feelings
or feel my soul,
people are so quick to know
or to judge,
yet really have no idea of the enveloping pain.
How do you communicate to others,
the knot of loneliness and desperation ?
There is no way.
I am tired of trying, so hard,
to expess my heaviness,
the nothingness.
Yet, all things engulf me and feel the pain,
and I cry.
No one can ease the torment,
but myself.
Should I keep trying or not try at all?
I get so angry at the pain,
and the sorrow,
but cannot let it go.
I am geing punished for living,
when I should be
enjoying and celebrating,
but have no control of this destroying
pain, fear,
It is out of control,
and I know not where to seek solice.
I am so tired....

Carmen Camela


The Brunch

Today, I wait with such anticipation
to see all of you and your faces-
While my forehead dots with perspiration.
My mind concentrates, as the fear it chases.

Most of you, with educations and professions
And me, a nobody, with many mistakes in succession.
I often wonder what I am, that you like
As you keep me involved and always invite.

I am grateful you accept me for the person I am-
I've changed, very little, and doubt if I can.
I am still outspoken, to a certain extent-
And with my sense of humor, I am quite content.

My self confidence is lagging and not up to par
but, this year, I am trying, and it is better by far.
Those of you that know me will doubt this is true
But, I've hidden my feelings from most of you.

I shall try very hard to return to myself
As I miss me, and I want to be off the shelf.
This new year is bringing me hopes and new dreams
And I will meet it head on, with all of my means.

So, look out world cause here I come
With my head held high and beating a drum.
My shoulders are lighter, my mind is brighter
And I will prove that I am a fighter.

Carmen Camela


My Friend

A nameless friend of mine brings me so much love
she does not judge or condemn me
nor does she quite understand me....
but she loves me just the same.
She has so many problems of her own, yet
helps to quide me through mine.
She is not selfish with her emotions, or her love
She is a long time friend, a forever friend.
I only hope that I can do the same for her
in her times of sorrow and anguish, pain
love, and her emptiness. She makes me see
that I am not alone.
My friend is a kidder, a jokester, a tomboy, but
very much a lady, she is kind, and loving,
and this is my tribute to her, my friend, for always.

Carmen Carmela



When I awoke this morning, the
skies were glowing pink.
The cool winter air was brisk
as I breathed in its cold.
As I looked out my window, with
its dust and fingerprints, I noticed
the signs of Spring.
A lone robin scurring in the yard,
and two grey squirrels on their
haunches, watching. Then there is
the snow, not quite so clean, melting.
Soon, the trees will be budding,
and new life will form.
the air will smell clean, fresh
and inviting.
A new beginning, a new life
for all....I am ready.

Carmen Carmela


A Smile

Can you tell me what a smile is?
Is it caused by bubbles from soda fizz?
Or a toddler trying to walk
Or the clinging to a sweater, of a sock?

Is a smile caused by being happy?
Or from love poems that seem so sappy?
A smile can come from a precious hug
Or, also, when you feel a little smug.

I know the world needs a lot more smiles-
One smile to another can cross many miles.
We all should start each day with one
And try not to be so sad and glum.

Smiles can be contagious
And sometimes very outrageous.
But, when I see one headed my way,
I try to catch it and have a nice day!

Carmen Camela


My Awakening

This morning, as I awoke
I heard an inner voice, which spoke.
I listened very carefully, and
Giggled to myself with glee
Yes, another day, is here
And I am happy, I feel no tears.

I 've found something I can provide,
No longer behind my grief I'll hide.
I hope that my joy is real
And, now I may start to heal.
To feel useful and of some worth
Makes it a pleasure to be on earth.

To finally realize that I am needed
Yet, past experiences shall be heeded,
If I can touch you with a smile
Than all my pain has been worthwhile.
I have too much to love to share
All I need is for people to care.

Here, I sit, feeling so brand new
I want to share my happiness with you.
so sit up straight, and take a breath
And be thankful for all the rest.
I never knew what I could do
'Til I told the sadness, we are through!

Carmen Camela

{This one is special, she said it was inspired by me \(o.o)/ }


\(o.o)/... © ...1998 - Janet Boyd aka Bee Spit ...\(o.o)/

Carmen is a very special person. I am so thankful to have her as a friend.
It gives me great pleasure to share her heart with you.

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